Learning to Forgive Ourselves

Dear Friends,

 

Forgiving others for what they have done against us is not easy, but forgiving ourselves for our own sins and failings can be just as hard.  To be honest, it’s something I really struggle with.

I know the truth that “if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” (1 John 1:9 NLT).  I know that the moment I turn to God, confess my sins to him, he forgives me totally and completely, yet I still have a hard time forgiving myself.

I think perhaps it’s partly because of the person I am that I sometimes find it hard to forgive myself.  I’m a perfectionist, which I used to think was a positive quality, but over the past years God has been teaching me differently (but that’s a story for another time!)  I expect to get things right all the time, to be perfect, and so when I’m not I’m very hard on myself and unforgiving.

Then, when I think I’ve learned to forgive myself and accept God’s forgiveness, along comes Satan.  He’s so clever.  He knows me well, he knows where I’m weakest, he knows which buttons to press, and he works on those feelings of guilt I have as a mum, he brings to mind the times I’ve got it wrong in my parenting, he whispers lies in my ear that I have failed in the past as a mother, that the children have suffered because of my mistakes, that I am just no good.  The reality is that they are lies he tells me, the bible tells us he’s the father of lies and his intention is to cause us pain and misery, to take away everything that we have in Christ Jesus.

Yet I listen to those lies, I take them as truth, I feel weighed down by guilt and I struggle once again to forgive myself.

So how do we move forward?  How do we learn to forgive ourselves?  To let go of the unforgiveness and feelings of guilt that weigh us down?

1.      We need to recognise the devil’s lies and choose not to listen to them.

2.      Then we need to replace them with God’s truth.  To do that, we need to know God’s truth.  Such as 1 John 1:9 and “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1 NLT).  You see, it’s not God who reminds us of our past forgiven sins, he chooses to remember our sins no more and we need to do the same.  The devil is the one who takes great joy in reminding us of our sins as he seeks to destroy the hope, peace and joy we have in Christ Jesus.  This is what God does with our sins “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.” (Psalm 103:12 NLT) and “Where is another God like you, who pardons the guilt of the remnant, overlooking the sins of his special people?  You will not stay angry with your people forever, because you delight in showing unfailing love.   Once again you will have compassion on us. You will trample our sins under your feet and throw them into the depths of the ocean!” (Micah 7:18-19) 

I really like the example Corrie Ten Boom (a survivor of a World War 2 concentration camp) gives: “When we confess our sins God casts them into the deepest ocean, gone forever. I believe God then places a sign out there that says, ‘NO FISHING ALLOWED.’”

 

3.      Remember the truth of God’s word – memorise it, write these verses and others like them on small pieces of card so that you can keep them with you, put the cards in your wallet, or on the fridge, or by your bed or on the mirror in your bathroom, anywhere you can see them regularly and read them.  So that when the guilt returns, when you’re reminded of your past sins and mistakes, when you recognise the whispers of the devil in your ear, you can speak out these truths in faith.  Always remember you have God’s Holy Spirit within you, he’s always with you, ask him to help you to have the faith to believe the truth and to live in the light of that truth, not bound up, disabled or held down by lies.

If you have more thoughts on this subject I would love to hear from you.  Just leave a comment at the end of this entry.

Vicki