"God Is Taking Everything Away From Me"

Dear Friends,

When I was first diagnosed with M.E (Myalgic Encephalomyelitis) in the late 1990s I really struggled to come to terms with it. I can remember in the early years and when it was at its worst saying that God was taking everything away from me. This was truly how I felt, and the hurt and the pain from what I was losing was intense. It's a pain which actually cannot fully be put into words. Not only had I lost my health and strength, I had to give up work and I wasn't able to do the things I'd been doing at church, such as leading Sunday School and running a youth group with my husband. Jason and I had married in the Summer of 1995 and the illness meant I wasn't able to do all I wanted to do in the home or to be the kind of wife I wanted to be for Jason and I wasn't able to socialise (for me that meant not going to church and mixing with church friends). It really felt like God was taking everything away from me and like I said, it was extremely painful.

From books I've read and conversations I've had with others, I know I'm not alone in feeling like this. Perhaps you have gone through a similar experience which has caused you to feel as though God is taking everything away from you or perhaps you're going through it right now.

Job must have had similar feelings when he lost his wealth, children, health, his standing in the city as an elder and on top of all this he lost his wife's support and the respect of his friends.  (You can read his story in the book of Job in the Bible). And yet, he was still able to say at one point “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away.  Praise the name of the Lord!” Job 1:21 (NLT).

Although I felt like God was taking everything away from me, he never removed his presence, I knew him with me all the time and he taught me a valuable lesson through this trial that I'm not sure I would have learnt otherwise.  

It's all too easy to make our life all about the things we have and the things we do. I can tend to lean on these things and people instead of depending on God. My relationship with God had suffered too because I was too busy doing things for him and depending on my own ability and strength to serve him in church. 

It was through the loss, the pain, the trials, God taught me that he is all I need. One loss after another God taught me that these things cannot be depended on. I can't depend on my health, on myself, on what I have and what I do, but I can totally depend on God. When I was able to do almost nothing, I found I was able to meet with God, have quality time with him, learn from him, and get to know him and love him on a much deeper level than I had time for before. He taught me to trust him, to lean on him and wholly depend on him.  

The Psalmist was able to say "This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him." Psalm 91:2 (NLT)  

Paul too learnt what it meant to rely on God. In his letter to the Corinthians, he wrote "We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it.  In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead." 1 Corinthians 1:8-9 (NLT) 

It was not until I reached the point, from losing so much, and I felt that God was all that I had left, that I then found that God is all I need. I believe that's what he wants for all his children - to learn that he really is all we need. I'd like to be able to tell you that once I'd learned that lesson I never needed to learn it again, but that's not the case. Since then, every so often, I need to re-learn it and God has led me through a few experiences when I've needed to be taught again by him to trust and lean on him alone and to know that he is all I need.

Because of Job's experiences, in the end, he was able to say to God "I had heard of You [only] by the hearing of the ear, but now my [spiritual] eye sees You." Job 42:5 (AMP)  

It's the difference between knowing about God in our heads and really knowing him in our hearts. It's all about a close, day by day, moment by moment, relationship with him.

While I can't say I'm glad to have M.E and all the problems that go with it. I am glad that God loves me so much and cares enough about me to use the experience to work in my life and to draw me closer to him. This time has not been wasted.

I know that whatever you may have been through or are going through is so very painful, the depth of which cannot fully be put in words, but I pray that through it you may know that God is with you, that he hasn't abandoned you and that he is saying to you, trust me, lean on me, I won't let you down, I am all that you need.  And when God has brought you through it, you like Job will be able to say “But he knows where I am going.  And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold.  For I have stayed on God’s paths; I have followed his ways and not turned aside." Job 23:10-11 (NLT)

To Think About:

Take some time out to read the whole story of Job.

What do you think God has been wanting to say to you through your painful experience?

I would encourage you to journal your experiences, including how you feel about them and to also record what God is saying to you in them. I find it so helpful to do this and it's good to look back at them as they will encourage you. 

Vicki