F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Dear Friends,
One evening last Summer my friend and I organised a women's evening, with the aim of strengthening and encouraging women in their friendships with other women. As well as some fun activities we also shared a message on the qualities to look for in a friend.
Each of us, whoever we are, whatever our characters or personalities, need good friends in our lives and there is something very special about same sex friendships. We have examples of these in the Bible, such as David and Jonathan, and Ruth and Naomi.
Using the acronym F.R.I.E.N.D.S and examples from the life of Ruth and Naomi I want to share with you what makes a good friend and how we can be a good friend too.
FUN
Laughter is important in life and we all need friends we can enjoy being with and have fun together. "A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:4 (NLT)
Ruth and Naomi had some enjoyable times, times when they could celebrate and laugh together. Such as when Ruth and Boaz married, and when Ruth gave birth to Naomi's grandson, Obed.
RELIABLE
"A friend loves at all times..." Proverbs 17:17a (NIV) We need friends in our lives who are there for us, who we can depend on, who we can lean on when we go through difficult times. Friends who are trustworthy, who we can share with on a deep, personal level and know that they won't gossip about the things we've shared.
Ruth was a loyal friend to Naomi. She loved her in such a way that she was able to say “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. 17 Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” Ruth 1:16-17 (NLT)
INVESTING
A good friend puts time in to the relationship because the relationship is valuable to them. There will be give and take in the friendship. Rather than being one sided where one friend will do all the giving, the friendship will be a blessing and beneficial to both. In order for the relationship to grow to a strong, deep, mature level it is important to put time into it.
Both Ruth and Naomi were invested in their friendship. Ruth went out to work in the fields to support Naomi, and Naomi took care of the home. They were both considerate of each others' needs.
Paul writes in Philippians 2:4 "Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." (NLT)
ENCOURAGING/SUPPORTING
Friends can encourage and support each other as they listen, as they help bear each other’s burdens, pray for each other, build up one another and encourage each other to pursue their dreams.
"9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT)
Ruth and Naomi both experienced grief - Naomi grieved the death of her husband and two sons and Ruth grieved the death of her husband (who was also Naomi's son). In their grief they could comfort each other and they understood what each other were going through. They were also a support to each other as Naomi returned to Bethlehem and Ruth went with her.
NOT TOXIC
Some people can have a toxic influence on your life, for example, if they are holding on to negative emotions or attitudes, such as bitterness, unforgiveness, anger. If we are not careful then we can become like them.
"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'" 1 Corinthians 15:33 (ESV)
Instead, we need to surround ourselves, as far as it is possible, with friends who have a positive outlook on life, who have a strong, personal relationship with God. We need to develop healthy friendships, ones that are for our mutual good.
Naomi had had a hard life and she had experienced much sorrow, but she didn't allow any bitterness she felt to have a negaitive affect on her relationship with Ruth. She didn't allow it to get in the way of mentoring Ruth in her Christian faith.
DE-CLUTTERING
This is about not allowing any kind of baggage to have a negative affect on our friendships. For example, if you have been hurt in a previous relationship, ask God to help you not to take it in to a relationship with a new friend. It can also be about dealing with anything that may have happened to upset you within the friendship, being open with each other and working through misunderstandings rather than burying them and pretending they don't exist. It may also mean letting go of preconceived ideas about a person and getting to know who they really are.
Ruth and Naomi were from two different cultures, Naomi's followed God whereas Ruth's culture practised things which were abhorrent to the Israelites. They both had to lay aside their cultural prejudices so that they could really get to know each other and become good friends.
SHARPENING (or ACCOUNTABILITY)
"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverb 27:17 (NLT)
When iron blades are rubbed together, each becomes sharper and more effective. This is what a healthy friendship can do for us. You and I need friends who will hold us accountable to God's standards. Who will have the courage and grace to confront us when we go off track. Friends who will encourage us to discover what God's will is for us and support us in following God's will. Friends who will encourage us to grow and change.
Naomi helped Ruth to grow closer to God. She gave her good advice and Ruth had the strength of character to pay attention and learn from Naomi.
To have friends with these qualities we also need to be a friend who demonstrates these qualities.
To Think About:
Do you have a friend/friends as described in this week's blog? If not, ask God to provide you with that kind of friend.
Do the qualities mentioned above describe the kind of friend you are? If not, are there any changes you need to make and how will you go about doing this?
Which of the qualities do you find hardest? What would help make them easier to demonstrate?
Consider reading the book of Ruth concentrating on what you can learn from Ruth and Naomi's friendship.
Vicki
One evening last Summer my friend and I organised a women's evening, with the aim of strengthening and encouraging women in their friendships with other women. As well as some fun activities we also shared a message on the qualities to look for in a friend.
Each of us, whoever we are, whatever our characters or personalities, need good friends in our lives and there is something very special about same sex friendships. We have examples of these in the Bible, such as David and Jonathan, and Ruth and Naomi.
Using the acronym F.R.I.E.N.D.S and examples from the life of Ruth and Naomi I want to share with you what makes a good friend and how we can be a good friend too.
FUN
Laughter is important in life and we all need friends we can enjoy being with and have fun together. "A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance." Ecclesiastes 3:4 (NLT)
Ruth and Naomi had some enjoyable times, times when they could celebrate and laugh together. Such as when Ruth and Boaz married, and when Ruth gave birth to Naomi's grandson, Obed.
RELIABLE
"A friend loves at all times..." Proverbs 17:17a (NIV) We need friends in our lives who are there for us, who we can depend on, who we can lean on when we go through difficult times. Friends who are trustworthy, who we can share with on a deep, personal level and know that they won't gossip about the things we've shared.
Ruth was a loyal friend to Naomi. She loved her in such a way that she was able to say “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. 17 Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” Ruth 1:16-17 (NLT)
INVESTING
A good friend puts time in to the relationship because the relationship is valuable to them. There will be give and take in the friendship. Rather than being one sided where one friend will do all the giving, the friendship will be a blessing and beneficial to both. In order for the relationship to grow to a strong, deep, mature level it is important to put time into it.
Both Ruth and Naomi were invested in their friendship. Ruth went out to work in the fields to support Naomi, and Naomi took care of the home. They were both considerate of each others' needs.
Paul writes in Philippians 2:4 "Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." (NLT)
ENCOURAGING/SUPPORTING
Friends can encourage and support each other as they listen, as they help bear each other’s burdens, pray for each other, build up one another and encourage each other to pursue their dreams.
"9 Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. 10 If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. 11 Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? 12 A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NLT)
Ruth and Naomi both experienced grief - Naomi grieved the death of her husband and two sons and Ruth grieved the death of her husband (who was also Naomi's son). In their grief they could comfort each other and they understood what each other were going through. They were also a support to each other as Naomi returned to Bethlehem and Ruth went with her.
NOT TOXIC
Some people can have a toxic influence on your life, for example, if they are holding on to negative emotions or attitudes, such as bitterness, unforgiveness, anger. If we are not careful then we can become like them.
"Do not be deceived: 'Bad company ruins good morals.'" 1 Corinthians 15:33 (ESV)
Instead, we need to surround ourselves, as far as it is possible, with friends who have a positive outlook on life, who have a strong, personal relationship with God. We need to develop healthy friendships, ones that are for our mutual good.
Naomi had had a hard life and she had experienced much sorrow, but she didn't allow any bitterness she felt to have a negaitive affect on her relationship with Ruth. She didn't allow it to get in the way of mentoring Ruth in her Christian faith.
DE-CLUTTERING
This is about not allowing any kind of baggage to have a negative affect on our friendships. For example, if you have been hurt in a previous relationship, ask God to help you not to take it in to a relationship with a new friend. It can also be about dealing with anything that may have happened to upset you within the friendship, being open with each other and working through misunderstandings rather than burying them and pretending they don't exist. It may also mean letting go of preconceived ideas about a person and getting to know who they really are.
Ruth and Naomi were from two different cultures, Naomi's followed God whereas Ruth's culture practised things which were abhorrent to the Israelites. They both had to lay aside their cultural prejudices so that they could really get to know each other and become good friends.
SHARPENING (or ACCOUNTABILITY)
"As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend." Proverb 27:17 (NLT)
When iron blades are rubbed together, each becomes sharper and more effective. This is what a healthy friendship can do for us. You and I need friends who will hold us accountable to God's standards. Who will have the courage and grace to confront us when we go off track. Friends who will encourage us to discover what God's will is for us and support us in following God's will. Friends who will encourage us to grow and change.
Naomi helped Ruth to grow closer to God. She gave her good advice and Ruth had the strength of character to pay attention and learn from Naomi.
To have friends with these qualities we also need to be a friend who demonstrates these qualities.
To Think About:
Do you have a friend/friends as described in this week's blog? If not, ask God to provide you with that kind of friend.
Do the qualities mentioned above describe the kind of friend you are? If not, are there any changes you need to make and how will you go about doing this?
Which of the qualities do you find hardest? What would help make them easier to demonstrate?
Consider reading the book of Ruth concentrating on what you can learn from Ruth and Naomi's friendship.
Vicki
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