Giving and Receiving Comfort
Dear Friends,
I was having a rough morning, battling a migraine and the depression, when my sister rang up for a chat.
Not living locally to each other but being close as sisters we like to keep in regular contact via the telephone and share what's been happening in our respective lives. We have a great relationship with each other, always have had despite the usual sibling arguments growing up together. We tell each other pretty much everything, so apart from our husbands, we are the ones who know each other the best.
She asked me how I was with my health at the moment and it didn't take long for me to burst into tears. Now, at this point she could have said to me, "I'll ring you later, bye for now", or "Pull yourself together" as some might do. Instead she said "You have a good cry." Her words showed me she cared, that she knows how releasing crying can be and that tears can bring healing. Crying is an important part of releasing pent up emotions rather than holding on to and burying feelings that need to be expressed.
She also allowed me to talk (once I was able to) and be honest with myself and with her. She let me be myself, rather than pretending to be someone I wasn't, or pretending that everything was ok. So often when we're with others, we don't feel able to be ourselves, we think we need to put on a mask, that we can't let others see what we're really thinking or feeling because they'd be shocked by what we say or they might judge or criticise us. She provided me with a listening ear which was what I needed. I didn't need answers, there were no answers. She showed me she cared by just letting me talk. That's often what people need when they are suffering - they don't need answers, they don't need to be talked at, they need a listening ear. The best thing Job's friends did for him was right in the beginning when they sat with him for 7 days, not saying anything but showing that they cared by just being there, by being present in his suffering. (See Job chapters 1 and 2).
She could have said all kinds of things to me, such as think about those who are worse off than you are. Yes, there is always someone who may be in a far worse situation than you are, but being told that doesn't exactly make you feel any better. She could have tried telling me all the things I should be doing, or where I was going wrong. She could have quoted scripture to me. But instead she said to me "I'm so sorry, I know that doesn't actually help much but I am sorry for what you're going through." We all know the difference between someone who just says the words "I'm sorry" from someone who says them with deep-hearted compassion. And actually, you know what, when someone does say that from the heart, really meaning it, it does, in some strange way, help, because you know they are connecting with you and they are showing you that they genuinely care.
She was able to say these things, not only because she's my sister and she knows me so well, but also because she has faced her own battles, she's had difficult experiences in life, but God can use those difficult times in our lives to equip us to get alongside and bring comfort to another who is struggling with life. As it says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." (NLT)
We all need someone in our lives - a sister, husband, friend etc - who we can be honest with, who we can share our real selves with, who will show us comfort and compassion when we are struggling, who will provide a listening ear when it is needed, who will provide a shoulder to cry on. Of course, if we are to have a relationship like this then we are to first put time into developing a relationship with that person, it's not something that's going to happen overnight, it takes time to grow and to also maintain. We can't expect to have a friend such as this if we are not willing to also be that kind of friend in return. When the relationship is a mutual one, then we can be a blessing and comfort to them when they are in the midst of their own trial.
I know that it's not possible for a friend to be there for us all the time. My sister can't be there for me all the time, and I wouldn't expect her to be, she has her own life and responsibilities. One person cannot possibly meet all of my needs, all of your needs, unless that one is God, and it says of him in Proverbs 18:24 that "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (NIV). Let's just read again the first part of the verses I quoted earlier from 2 Corinthians "3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles"
I love that - God is the source of ALL comfort and he comforts us in ALL our troubles. How reassuring is that? We all need reminding of this now and again. God is there for you and me all the time, I don't need to wait for a phone call from him, he makes himself readily available. He provides me with a listening ear, I can say exactly how I'm feeling, I don't need to pretend, and after all, he knows anyway, so nothing I say can ever surprise him. He loves me and he cares about me. When I don't have the words to say because I'm so upset, I can just cry in his presence and he shows that those tears are valuable to him, instead of rejecting my pain or ignoring it, the psalmist says of God "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8 (NLT)
God knows what it is to suffer, as the Son of God he endured much while he was on this earth and experienced intense suffering, so we have a God who understands, who knows what it is to face trials and difficulties and is more than able to comfort us when we need it. "Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested." Hebrews 2:18 (NLT)
In the midst of a trial we can feel very much like we are on our own, but the truth is that we have God with us, he knows, he cares, he loves us and he's the source of our comfort. If you're struggling right now, would you reach out to him. If you will just do this, be open with him, tell him exactly how you're feeling, cry your cries, I know from my own experience that he will give you the comfort you need.
To Think About:
Have you known God's comfort in the past? Either directly from him or through another person?
What experiences have you gone through that have equipped you to give comfort to another?
Is there someone close to you who you know needs some comfort? Has God placed you in their life for this reason? How can you bring them comfort?
Vicki
I was having a rough morning, battling a migraine and the depression, when my sister rang up for a chat.
Not living locally to each other but being close as sisters we like to keep in regular contact via the telephone and share what's been happening in our respective lives. We have a great relationship with each other, always have had despite the usual sibling arguments growing up together. We tell each other pretty much everything, so apart from our husbands, we are the ones who know each other the best.
She asked me how I was with my health at the moment and it didn't take long for me to burst into tears. Now, at this point she could have said to me, "I'll ring you later, bye for now", or "Pull yourself together" as some might do. Instead she said "You have a good cry." Her words showed me she cared, that she knows how releasing crying can be and that tears can bring healing. Crying is an important part of releasing pent up emotions rather than holding on to and burying feelings that need to be expressed.
She also allowed me to talk (once I was able to) and be honest with myself and with her. She let me be myself, rather than pretending to be someone I wasn't, or pretending that everything was ok. So often when we're with others, we don't feel able to be ourselves, we think we need to put on a mask, that we can't let others see what we're really thinking or feeling because they'd be shocked by what we say or they might judge or criticise us. She provided me with a listening ear which was what I needed. I didn't need answers, there were no answers. She showed me she cared by just letting me talk. That's often what people need when they are suffering - they don't need answers, they don't need to be talked at, they need a listening ear. The best thing Job's friends did for him was right in the beginning when they sat with him for 7 days, not saying anything but showing that they cared by just being there, by being present in his suffering. (See Job chapters 1 and 2).
She could have said all kinds of things to me, such as think about those who are worse off than you are. Yes, there is always someone who may be in a far worse situation than you are, but being told that doesn't exactly make you feel any better. She could have tried telling me all the things I should be doing, or where I was going wrong. She could have quoted scripture to me. But instead she said to me "I'm so sorry, I know that doesn't actually help much but I am sorry for what you're going through." We all know the difference between someone who just says the words "I'm sorry" from someone who says them with deep-hearted compassion. And actually, you know what, when someone does say that from the heart, really meaning it, it does, in some strange way, help, because you know they are connecting with you and they are showing you that they genuinely care.
She was able to say these things, not only because she's my sister and she knows me so well, but also because she has faced her own battles, she's had difficult experiences in life, but God can use those difficult times in our lives to equip us to get alongside and bring comfort to another who is struggling with life. As it says in 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us." (NLT)
We all need someone in our lives - a sister, husband, friend etc - who we can be honest with, who we can share our real selves with, who will show us comfort and compassion when we are struggling, who will provide a listening ear when it is needed, who will provide a shoulder to cry on. Of course, if we are to have a relationship like this then we are to first put time into developing a relationship with that person, it's not something that's going to happen overnight, it takes time to grow and to also maintain. We can't expect to have a friend such as this if we are not willing to also be that kind of friend in return. When the relationship is a mutual one, then we can be a blessing and comfort to them when they are in the midst of their own trial.
I know that it's not possible for a friend to be there for us all the time. My sister can't be there for me all the time, and I wouldn't expect her to be, she has her own life and responsibilities. One person cannot possibly meet all of my needs, all of your needs, unless that one is God, and it says of him in Proverbs 18:24 that "there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (NIV). Let's just read again the first part of the verses I quoted earlier from 2 Corinthians "3 All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 4 He comforts us in all our troubles"
I love that - God is the source of ALL comfort and he comforts us in ALL our troubles. How reassuring is that? We all need reminding of this now and again. God is there for you and me all the time, I don't need to wait for a phone call from him, he makes himself readily available. He provides me with a listening ear, I can say exactly how I'm feeling, I don't need to pretend, and after all, he knows anyway, so nothing I say can ever surprise him. He loves me and he cares about me. When I don't have the words to say because I'm so upset, I can just cry in his presence and he shows that those tears are valuable to him, instead of rejecting my pain or ignoring it, the psalmist says of God "You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book." Psalm 56:8 (NLT)
God knows what it is to suffer, as the Son of God he endured much while he was on this earth and experienced intense suffering, so we have a God who understands, who knows what it is to face trials and difficulties and is more than able to comfort us when we need it. "Since he himself has gone through suffering and testing, he is able to help us when we are being tested." Hebrews 2:18 (NLT)
In the midst of a trial we can feel very much like we are on our own, but the truth is that we have God with us, he knows, he cares, he loves us and he's the source of our comfort. If you're struggling right now, would you reach out to him. If you will just do this, be open with him, tell him exactly how you're feeling, cry your cries, I know from my own experience that he will give you the comfort you need.
To Think About:
Have you known God's comfort in the past? Either directly from him or through another person?
What experiences have you gone through that have equipped you to give comfort to another?
Is there someone close to you who you know needs some comfort? Has God placed you in their life for this reason? How can you bring them comfort?
Vicki
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